Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
