Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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