he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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