In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
