The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
