Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
