She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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