Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
