I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
