This is not my ceiling
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize