I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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