Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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