my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
