I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
