Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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