Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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