Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
