What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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