i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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