Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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