Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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