I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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