i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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