At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
