I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
