I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is Oprah even human
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize