So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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