dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
