It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
