They should really pass out barf bags in church
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
