Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
