I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My feet surprised me
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