Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
