Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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