is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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