pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
