Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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