I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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