i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
