I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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