am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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