So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
