I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
