i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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