I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
