Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
