Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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