i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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