Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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