You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a hot homeless man
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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