My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
