i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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