Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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