They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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