What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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