There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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