Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do vagina's smell?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
