I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
