Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
