i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize