Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
