I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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