found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
