that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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