After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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