He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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