and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
